Where does the twenty-year-old autistic queer person go when the kids’ programming feels too young, the bars are unavailable, and the festival itself is exhausting before they have even found anyone to talk to? “Go find your community” sounds wonderful until we ask whether we have actually built enough places for them to find it.

The problem is that survival skills have a way of following us into places where survival is no longer the assignment.

Resourcefulness became part of our identity. So did the habit of hiding the moments when we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. That habit gets complicated once you become a parent, because parenting has a way of placing the most important person in your life directly in front of you with a need you were never taught how to meet.

Parents deserve a place where they can learn without being humiliated, while also being trusted enough to hear the truth when something needs to change. That is a balance I care about.

If you’re here because something about parenting your LGBTQ kid has you thinking, “Okay, I love this child very much and I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to do with this particular situation,” welcome.