Child Safety Comes First

I need to say something really important in the kindest possible way:

When it comes to raising kids, safety HAS TO come first.

It has to come before fear, before confusion, and before the pressure to get everything exactly right.

It means “figuring it out as we go” cannot happen at a child’s expense.

Because kids aren’t meant to hold adult uncertainty.

They shouldn’t have to explain themselves.

They shouldn’t have to defend who they are.

And they shouldn’t have to wait for grown-ups to finish sorting out their feelings before they feel protected.

Asking kids to sit with adult uncertainty puts them in emotional limbo when they shouldn’t be near that uncertainty at all.

That’s OUR job.

That job belongs to us: the adults.

Yes.

Even when it’s uncomfortable.

ESPECIALLY when it’s uncomfortable.

So that means we need to learn how to place protection ahead of perfection.

Because most of us were raised on emotional systems that kept us surviving, not thriving; systems built for the 70s, 80s, or 90s … not the world our kids are growing up in now.

We learned to push feelings down instead of working through them.

We learned compliance instead of emotional safety.

We learned silence instead of repair.

And for a lot of us, that was called “being good.”

But kids, especially queer kids, don’t learn or thrive through toughness alone.

(Contrary to what we were told growing up.)

They thrive through CONNECTION.

Which means when we talk about what child safety actually looks like in real life:

It looks like listening before correcting (Even when every instinct says, “Let me explain real quick.”)

It also looks like protecting before explaining

(You can process later. Safety is NOW.)

And it looks like choosing care when discomfort shows up.

(Discomfort is not an emergency. Kids being unsafe is.)

Because this isn’t about having perfect beliefs or flawless language.

It’s about learning new skills so our kids don’t have to carry adult emotional weight.

They’re already carrying enough.

Remember:

We’re not here to fix kids.

We’re here to grow parents.

Because when adults learn how to show up differently, kids get safer.

It really is that simple.

And also THAT HARD.

And if you’ve ever worried, “Am I doing enough?”

Know that just being here - wanting to listen, ready to learn, and trying - already counts.

Doing that isn’t nothing.

Doing that IS THE WORK.

That’s all for now.

And don’t forget to take good care of yourself today.