IEP and Advocacy Basics
Today I’d like to talk about something that makes a lot of parents sweat a little:
IEPs and school advocacy.
(OMG even I heard the loud sighs all the way from over here.)
Ok, yes - I get it.
IEP meetings can sometimes feel like everyone in the room already seems to know what they’re talking about… except you.
Which is absolutely wild, because it’s YOU who holds most of the cards as the parent.
And it’s your advocacy that will keep your child supported.
Now, full disclosure:
My family had a mostly positive IEP experience with my youngest (who has ADHD).
But trust me - I know that’s not everyone’s reality.
Some parents fight tooth and nail to try and get what their kids need.
Some have their concerns flat out dismissed.
Some walk into meetings feeling empowered and walk out feeling exhausted.
It’s like having to run a marathon you didn’t train for and then no one is waiting for you at the finish line.
Unfortunately, all of that is NOT uncommon and is frustrating to me as a parent of a kid that has a learning disability.
So let’s start with the basics, and then we’ll talk about what happens when being queer and having an IEP intersect.
Because those layers matter.
Ok so what, exactly, IS an IEP?
An IEP, or Individualized Education Program, is a legal plan that exists for one reason and one reason only:
To help your child access learning in the way their brain works best.
Not the way the system prefers.
It’s not there to “fix” your kid.
Or label your kid.
And it’s definitely not there because your child is “too much.”
That narrative stops here.
Not all nervous systems learn the same, and schools are required to meet kids where they are.
That’s not an opinion.
It’s the law.
And here’s the biggest truth about advocacy:
You’re not asking for special treatment.
You’re asking for equal access.
Those are not the same thing.
Which means an IEP isn’t about advantage,
it’s about fairness.
It’s saying:
“My child deserves to participate without burning out.”
“My child deserves support instead of punishment.”
“My child deserves to learn safely.”
And all of those are reasonable expectations.
Now, when kids are queer AND neurodivergent?
School safety matters even MORE.
Because too many LGBTQ kids experience:
bullying,
subtle exclusion,
and/or emotional shutdowns that get misunderstood as behavior problems because of social bias, not because of their neurodivergence.
That misrepresentation can cause real harm.
An IEP can be part of how we protect them.
We can give them quiet spaces, flexible testing, movement breaks, and sensory support.
These aren’t “extras.”
They’re necessary access tools.
And for parents, let me say this clearly:
You don’t have to be an expert to be an advocate.
You do not need perfect vocabulary.
You do not have to understand every form or acronym.
You don’t need to show up with a law degree and a binder.
You only need to know one thing:
Your kid.
THAT’S your expertise.
And no one in that room knows them better than you.
Now, when we talk about IEP advocacy here at Rainbow Roots, we mean:
Learning what your child is legally entitled to.
Practicing how to speak up calmly and clearly.
Bringing curiosity instead of fear into school conversations.
Fear shuts people down.
Curiosity keeps doors open.
And remember this:
You are not “being difficult” for protecting your child.
You’re being a parent who’s ADVOCATING for their child.
There’s a difference, and that matters.
Because advocacy keeps kids safe.
It keeps them safe at school, safe in learning, and safe inside systems that were not designed for every brain or every identity.
Systems can change.
Kids shouldn’t have to break first.
And if this world of IEPs still feels overwhelming?
You’re not behind.
You’re learning.
There are plenty of IEP resources online that can help further coach you in your advocacy at both school and in the doctor’s office.
That’s all for now.
And don’t forget to take good care of yourself today.
