Today I’d like to talk about something 

that makes a lot of parents sweat a little:

IEPs and school advocacy. 

(OMG even I heard the loud sighs 

all the way from over here.)

Ok, yes - I get it. 

IEP meetings can sometimes feel 

like everyone in the room 

already seems to know 

what they’re talking about… except you.

Which is absolutely wild, 

because it’s YOU 

who holds most of the cards 

as the parent. 

And it’s your advocacy 

that will keep your child supported.

Now, full disclosure: 

My family had a mostly positive 

IEP experience with my youngest 

(who has ADHD).

But trust me - 

I know that’s not everyone’s reality.

Some parents fight tooth and nail 

to try and get what their kids need.

Some have their concerns 

flat out dismissed.

Some walk into meetings 

feeling empowered 

and walk out feeling exhausted.

It’s like having to run a marathon 

you didn’t train for 

and then no one is waiting for you 

at the finish line.

Unfortunately, all of that 

is NOT uncommon 

and is frustrating to me 

as a parent of a kid 

that has a learning disability. 

So let’s start with the basics, 

and then we’ll talk about what happens 

when being queer 

and having an IEP intersect. 

Because those layers matter.

Ok so what, exactly, IS an IEP?

An IEP, 

or Individualized Education Program, 

is a legal plan that exists 

for one reason and one reason only:

To help your child access learning 

in the way their brain works best. 

Not the way the system prefers.

It’s not there to “fix” your kid. 

Or label your kid. 

And it’s definitely not there 

because your child is “too much.” 

That narrative stops here.

Not all nervous systems 

learn the same, 

and schools are required 

to meet kids where they are. 

That’s not an opinion. 

It’s the law.

And here’s the biggest truth 

about advocacy:

You’re not asking for 

special treatment. 

You’re asking for equal access. 

Those are not the same thing.

Which means an IEP 

isn’t about advantage, 

it’s about fairness.

It’s saying:

“My child deserves to 

participate without burning out.”

“My child deserves support 

instead of punishment.”

“My child deserves to 

learn safely.”

And all of those are 

reasonable expectations.

Now, when kids are queer 

AND neurodivergent? 

School safety matters even MORE.

Because too many 

LGBTQ kids experience: 

bullying, 

subtle exclusion, 

and/or emotional shutdowns 

that get misunderstood as 

behavior problems 

because of social bias, 

not because of their 

neurodivergence. 

That misrepresentation 

can cause real harm.

An IEP can be part of 

how we protect them.

We can give them 

quiet spaces, 

flexible testing, 

movement breaks, 

and sensory support.

These aren’t “extras.” 

They’re necessary access tools.

And for parents, 

let me say this clearly:

You don’t have to be an expert 

to be an advocate.

You do not need 

perfect vocabulary.

You do not have to understand 

every form or acronym.

You don’t need to show up 

with a law degree and a binder. 

You only need to know one thing: 

Your kid. 

THAT’S your expertise. 

And no one in that room 

knows them better than you.

Now, when we talk about 

IEP advocacy here at 

Rainbow Roots, 

we mean:

Learning what your child 

is legally entitled to.

Practicing how to speak up 

calmly and clearly.

Bringing curiosity instead of fear 

into school conversations.

Fear shuts people down. 

Curiosity keeps doors open.

And remember this:

You are not “being difficult” 

for protecting your child. 

You’re being a parent 

who’s ADVOCATING 

for their child. 

There’s a difference, and that matters.

Because advocacy keeps kids safe.

It keeps them safe at school, 

safe in learning, 

and safe inside systems 

that were not designed 

for every brain or every identity. 

Systems can change. 

Kids shouldn’t have to break first.

And if this world of IEPs 

still feels overwhelming?

You’re not behind. 

You’re learning. 

There are plenty of 

IEP resources online 

that can help further coach you 

in your advocacy 

at both school 

and in the doctor’s office.

That’s all for now. 

And don’t forget to take good care of yourself today.