Today, I’d like to talk about 

faith and identity.

(I know. Deep breath. 

But stay with me.)

And before I start, 

I need to state that 

my relationship with faith 

has changed considerably 

since my Catholic school days, 

but I still understand 

how deeply it shapes 

many families’ lives. 

And I’m here to tell you:

Faith and identity 

don’t have to be enemies.

For many families, 

faith is where values originate: 

love, service, 

kindness, and community. 

All good things.

I also know faith 

isn’t something you can just 

“toss aside.”

Yet, sometimes parents 

find themselves standing 

in a painful place:

Loving their faith…

and loving their LGBTQ child…

and not knowing how to hold both 

at the same time.

That’s not failure, 

that’s tension.

And that tension has a name: 

moral anxiety.

Moral anxiety is what happens 

when your values clash; 

when love for your child 

feels like it’s fighting 

with the beliefs you were taught. 

And your nervous system 

does not enjoy this experience.

It sounds like:

“What if I support my kid 

and get this wrong?”

“What if loving them 

feels like I’m failing spiritually?”

“What if there’s no way 

to choose both?”

“What is my pastor or 

the congregation going to think?

(Yes, the social layer makes it heavier.)

Moral anxiety doesn’t mean 

you love your child less.

It means you’re trying to love 

with integrity while continuing to grow. 

And that growth can sometimes 

feel a little sour. 

Maybe even unsavory.

So let’s talk about 

what really matters here:

Love for your child 

does not require 

abandoning faith. 

It requires letting love lead it.

Not fear. Not shame. 

Not appearances.

And to do that, 

we have to understand 

something important:

Identity is not rebellion. 

Queer kids aren’t rebelling 

when they come out 

or ask questions. 

They’re not trying to shock you.

For LGBTQ youth, 

identity is simply truth-telling.

It’s saying:

“This is who I am.”

“This is how I move through the world.”

“This is who I love.”

There is no agenda or attack. 

Just honesty.

And the most important 

spiritual work a parent can do 

isn’t solving theology. 

It’s protecting 

the parent-child relationship. 

That relationship 

IS THE MINISTRY.

Queer kids don’t need 

final answers and 

certainly don’t need a dissertation.

They need to know:

“I’m safe with you.”

“I won’t lose you.”

“You won’t choose belief over me.”

Even when it’s complicated.

In this space, 

we practice holding faith 

like a bridge, not a barrier. 

We’re teaching that:

Love isn’t something to earn.

Belonging isn’t conditional.

And home should never feel 

like the place where 

you have to hide.

Especially not from the people 

who love you most.

Because when parents lead with connection 

(like a bridge), 

something powerful happens:

Faith becomes a tool of love, 

not a test of it. 

And LGBTQ kids learn an essential truth:

They don’t have to leave their family 

to be whole.

They don’t have to abandon spirituality 

to be loved.

They don’t have to shrink themselves 

to belong.

They get to exist fully.

That’s all for now. 

And don’t forget to take good care of yourself today.