Start Here

If you’re here because something about parenting your LGBTQ kid has you thinking, “Okay, I love this child very much and I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to do with this particular situation,” then welcome.

You do not need to read the entire internet before you can be a safe parent. You don’t need perfect terminology, a fully reconstructed belief system, or a twelve-step strategic plan for Thanksgiving. But you do need curiosity, a willingness to listen, and the ability to survive hearing, “Hey, that thing you did? That didn’t land the way you thought it did.” You’ll be fine, though. I promise.

First: Figure Out What You Actually Need

Maybe your kid just came out and you are scared of saying the wrong thing. Maybe you already support them and need help dealing with relatives, church, school, sports, accessibility, or the internet. Maybe your kid is neurodivergent or disabled and you are realizing that identity and access do not live in separate little boxes. Maybe your child is now 35 years old and you have finally figured out that letting time pass is not the same thing as repair. You don’t have to start at the beginning of somebody else’s journey. Start with the thing that is happening in your house.

If you need practical information, go to the Blog. If you want me to talk you through an idea, go to Videos. If you want the longer version of the thing you may still be thinking about while unloading the dishwasher two days later, then peruse our Taking Root essays (which can also be found in the Blog section). Seriously - Pick a door. There is no quiz.

Second: Your Kid Is Not the Help Desk

One rule will make a lot of the rest of this easier: Do not make your child responsible for educating you into being safe for them. Instead, ask them what they need from you. Listen when they tell you something about their own experience. But if you need the history of Pride, the difference between gender identity and expression, information about neurodivergence, help processing your religion, or somebody to explain why your brother’s joke was shitty, there are adults and resources for that.

Your kid already has a job. They’re growing up. Please let them continue to do that.

Third: You Are Going to Screw Something Up

I say that with great affection. You are a parent. Of course you are going to screw something up! Maybe you use an old name accidentally. Maybe you respond badly the first time. Maybe you realize three months later that what you called “protecting them” was really your own fear driving the car. Maybe your kid tells you something that makes you want to argue your case before they have finished the sentence.

The goal is not to become impossible to criticize. The goal is to become repairable. So, listen. Own it. Apologize without making your kid reassure you that you are still a good person. Learn what needs learning. Change what needs changing. Then keep moving. Gen X survived answering machines, Aqua Net, smoking sections in restaurants, and cars with seat belts nobody actually used. We can learn a pronoun and develop an emotional vocabulary.

And Finally: Follow the Question

A lot of what we do at Rainbow Roots comes down to one habit: When something feels difficult, stop asking only how to make the kid handle it better. Ask what else could change. Could the gathering be quieter? Could Grandma be told to knock it off? Could the coach learn something? Could you leave early? Could the food be different? Could your church conversation happen with another adult instead of across from your child? Could the family tradition survive being modified? Sometimes the child genuinely needs help coping with a difficult world. And sometimes the world around the child needs to stop being unnecessarily difficult. Learning to tell the difference is a pretty good place to start.

So look around. Read something. Watch something. Sit with a question. Come back when the first answer creates three new ones. That happens a lot around here.

You do not have to know everything today. You just have to be willing to learn what matters next.