I’d like to talk about something 

that completely changed how I parent:

Kids are communicating their needs 

even when they don’t use words.

ESPECIALLY when they don’t use words.

Behavior isn’t “badness.”

Behavior is a message.

It’s information,

not a personal attack.

Crying, 

shutdowns, 

anger, 

resistance, 

silliness, 

quiet - 

none of it happens “out of nowhere.”

Even when it FEELS 

like it came out of left field.

Something is being communicated.

And that can be difficult 

for a lot of us 

who were raised to respond to behavior 

with control:

Stop that.

Calm down.

Do what you’re told.

But here, 

we can learn to ask a different question.

Instead of: 

“What’s wrong with my kid?”

We ask, 

“What’s my kid trying to tell me?”

Because kids don’t all communicate the same way.

Some talk.

Some joke.

Some text.

Some withdraw.

Some share side-by-side instead of face-to-face.

And some communicate 

exclusively with memes.

Let me give you a real example.

Sometimes my kids 

(who are 22 and 18, respectively) 

come into my bedroom 

when I’m winding down for the night.

Not to talk.

But to sprawl on top of my bed 

next to me and show me TikTok videos.

Yes, even when I’m horizontal 

and under all the covers.

They show me what they think is funny.

What they’re interested in.

What caught their attention that day.

Now, do I always think the videos are funny? 

Or even understand the context 

of what they’re showing me?

No. (LOL)

Sometimes not even a little.

But that’s not the point.

The point is 

THEY’RE “TALKING” TO ME.

They’re CHOOSING 

to spend time with me.

They’re sharing.

They’re connecting.

They’re saying:

“I want to be near you.”

“I want you in my world.”

“I trust you with my unhinged For You Page.”

And the language they happen to be using at the time instead of English is “TikTok.”

Different language, same connection.

This is what awkward allyship 

looks like at home: 

It’s learning a new language with love 

instead of pressure. 

And WITHOUT pretending that you get it. 

(Or you’ll get clocked, and they’ll shut down.)

Because kids don’t always say,

“I’m overwhelmed.” or 

“I need connection.” or

“I want you to stay.”

They communicate with 

what feels safe to them. 

And safety looks different for every kid.

This is especially true 

for neurodivergent kids - 

and honestly, for most teenagers.

Teenagers don’t come with subtitles. 

And if they did, 

they’d probably be unreliable at best.

So let’s learn to practice three shifts:

Pause before correcting.

Name feelings before solving.

Regulate WITH your child 

before expecting them to self-regulate.

Even if you have to channel or “borrow” the calm.

Connection first.

Correction later.

Which, truthfully, can feel awkward and slow.

But remember: 

We’re not here to fix kids.

We’re here to:

listen better.

respond softer.

And create safety sooner.

Because when kids feel heard, 

behavior smooths.

And if you’ve ever thought,

 “I have no idea what they’re trying to tell me…”

That’s okay. 

You’re probably still learning their language.

Most of us are.

But I promise you,

if you let the connection grow organically, 

the translation will get easier.

That’s all for now. 

And don’t forget to take good care of yourself today.