I want to talk about internet safety, and I’m going to say something that may make some Gen X parents uncomfortable: Our kids are going to do some sketchy shit. I know. It’s deeply unsettling.

But before we start acting shocked, I would like everybody in my age range to remember being a teenager. Do you know how many cars we got into? Cars driven by people we barely knew. Cars with too many people in them. Cars leaving parties. Cars going cruising. Cars where somebody (maybe even the driver) had absolutely been drinking. And some of us apparently looked at a motorcycle and thought, “Yes, I would like to climb onto the back of that while this nineteen-year-old idiot races down Sunrise Boulevard.”

So maybe we approach this conversation with a little humility.

My youngest was eighteen when they met someone online and got into his car. Would I have preferred a different decision? Absolutely. Did I also survive a youth full of choices that would make current-parent me need to double her blood pressure medication? Also yes. The important part of the story came a few minutes later.

My kid realized within minutes that the man was driving erratically and should not have been behind the wheel. They recognized that the situation had changed and they knew they needed to get out. They were already thinking about texting me or calling the police when the driver almost drove into the center of roundabout, then completely mucked up trying to make a freeway onramp and got pulled over. Then they called me on speaker with the police in the background and asked me to come get them. So I went and picked up my kid. (I actually levitated and flew out of the house like Raven from Teen Titans Go if we’re being honest here.)

And that night clarified something for me. I am never going to parent my children into a life where they make perfect decisions. That option is not available. Teenagers take risks. Young adults take risks. Adults take risks, for that matter, but we get much more creative about calling them “choices.”

What I can build is a relationship where my kid knows that when something goes sideways, they can call me. That is internet safety too. Because the danger is not always the first decision. Sometimes the danger grows because a kid is terrified to admit the first decision went badly. They stay in the car. They stay at the party. They stay with the person. They try to fix it themselves. They think, “If I call home, I’m gonna get screamed at.” And now fear of the parent has also become part of the emergency.

I do not want that. I want my kid to be more afraid of the situation they are in than they are of telling me about it. If they text me, “Come get me,” I want their brain to be certain about happens next. And that is, I go get them. We can discuss the rest after everybody is safe. And yes, there may be a conversation afterward.

I am still a mother. I have not achieved enlightenment. There may be questions. There may be some language. There may be a very long pause where I stare at the ceiling and reconsider every parenting choice I have made since 2003. But first, I go get the kid. That order matters.

Internet safety conversations should include practical things. Meet in public. Tell somebody where you are going. Share the person’s information with somebody you trust. Have a plan for getting home. Pay attention when something feels wrong. Leave when you need to leave. And I would add one more: Know who you can call without having to earn help first.

That may be a parent. It may be an older sibling. It may be another trusted adult. But every kid needs somebody who will answer the phone and solve the immediate problem before turning it into a morality play. That is especially important for queer kids, because online spaces can be where they find community, dating, friendship, information, and people who understand parts of them that may not be understood at home yet.

We are not going to make the internet disappear. We are not going to make young people stop meeting people online. That ship has sailed, circled the globe, and probably has a TikTok account.

So I would rather teach judgment than pretend abstinence from the internet is a realistic safety plan. And that can look like: What does the person know about you? What information are you sharing? Does anything feel rushed? Are they trying to isolate you? Are they pressuring you to keep the relationship secret? Do you have an exit plan? And if your gut suddenly says, “Nope”? Leave.

You’re allowed to be rude. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to inconvenience somebody. You’re allowed to call home at two in the morning and say, “I need help.” I would much rather lose sleep than lose trust. Because our kids are going to have lives we cannot supervise every minute.

Eventually they will get in cars. They will go to parties. They will meet people we have never met. They will make choices that would have horrified us if we had not conveniently forgotten our own adolescence. The question is whether they know where safety is when they need it. If something goes sideways, will your kid call you? THAT is the relationship worth building.

That’s all for now. For more, please visit rainbowrootsmedia.com. And don’t forget to take good care of yourself today.